Heartbeat of the Spirit

Now that heart surgery is inevitable I have found I pay more attention to it's activity as it beats hidden in my chest. What used to go unnoticed is now reason for worry. A skip here, a vibration there and even an occasional pause sometimes startles me from my sleep. It is tough to think about your heart. When you do suddenly you are aware it's there where in the past you knew it, you just didn't think about it. You know what I mean. Kind of like your tongue. Have you ever really concentrated on your tongue. It suddenly seems to swell in size and you begin to wonder how it is contained in your mouth at all. How can you get food around that serpentine thing? And air, how can air pass by it if your nose is plugged? What has previously lived in almost total anonymity is now in your every thought. Whether it is your heart or your tongue, what was once almost totally ignored becomes your focus when pondered upon at length. And how can yo not think about things so vital to your existence?

I have also become keenly aware of something else since my heart problems have been diagnosed. My spirit. Or maybe better yet, the Spirit within me. God's Spirit. The Holy Spirit to some and the Holy Ghost to others. In my angst over my physical health I have also begun to ponder my spiritual health as well. I have become acutely sensitive when I do not feel His presence in my life. I find myself constantly checking my spiritual pulse. Sometimes I am jolted from my sleep by His seeming absence. When the pulsating power of the Spirit is irregular I become concerned about my spirituality vitality. Others have been telling me that they sense the Spirit controlling me while I preach. I'm grateful for that. I feel no different on the inside, but the testimony of others is expressing a different truth. He is there. He is active and controlling at least that part of my life. Now my prayer is that God would show His presence to me the way others have begun to see Him in my preaching. In pouring myself into my calling I have become a little dry. Kind of like when I awake from a sound sleep because the beating of my heart has taken a breather. So I am alert spiritually to feel the presence of the Spirit working in me. I am ready for God to pour Himself into me.    

Comments

[Jane Cook]

Pastor Ken, You are certainly preaching with/in the Holy Spirit and allowing God's Word and instuction to touch our hearts and lives. As for your sense of spiritual dryness, the words of the old Footprints poem came to mind...and I quote: "I don't understand why you left my side when I needed you most." The Lord said: "My precious child, I never left you during your time of trial. Where you see only one set of footprints, I was carrying you." Rest in His arms and strength and celebrate this season you are living at this point in your journey of your life. You are a wonderful pastor, leader, man of God. You feed us, you teach us, you love us.

[frank]

hey preacher. thanks for bringing (once again) my attention to the fact that God is more interested in the condition of our souls than whether we can walk straight up or have to lean to stand balanced or have a bad ticker or fill in the blank... not that He can't or won't heal us physically, but that He wants us to use what we have and share Whom we know and His gift of love and salvation with the world. someday, we'll all have the perfect body. maybe even hair again. for right now, i think we just need to share our love of Jesus and not worry so much about whether we hobble when we walk.