Low Marks and In-Completes

It is easy for faith to become business. I was reading an old transcript when Jim Bakker first was released from prison and appeared on the Larry King show. Larry asked him about his fall. What happened really? It seems what sent him to prison was selling more retirement rooms at a development that was never designed to hold that many people. The legal term is fraud. Larry tried to get Jim to pin-point when it all went wrong. Did he start off with evil intentions? Was it always about the money? As I expected JB couldn't point to an exact moment or day when it started turning into just making money. He told Larry that he started with the best intentions to share Jesus with as many people around the world as he possibly could. When it became successful it also became expensive. Religious organizations really don't have products to sell. You can't ramp up production or cut costs. The only answers are more people giving or people giving more money. Over time the tail began wagging the dog. Before it was over, and I mean prison, Jesus was just a sidebar.

After prison Jim Bakker changed. He became less interested in the dollar and more interested in the person. His demeanor certainly was different. Every word wasn't spoken as he rose repeatedly on his tip-toes. He was slower in his delivery and more deliberate. I think the business of religion had taken a backseat to the person of Jesus in Jim's life. Contrary to popular teaching trials don't enlarge our faith, they test them. The outcome is patience (James 1:3) and patience allows God to perfect us. Trials just allow us to see how far we have come.

This past week I began a trial period in my life. I'm looking at my spiritual report card and I'm not impressed. Lots of in-completes and low marks. More than I even imagined. I visited a cardiologist for the first time in my life though I have known of a problem since I was a child. My home town doctor called it an athlete's heart murmur and said it was common among kids who played a lot of sports; and I did. I have always felt "twitterpations" (to use Thumper's word) and skips in my heartbeat. I thought that was normal for everyone. After all, that is all I've ever known. The doctor, with poor bed-side manner informed me it was much more than and that my heart had enlarged because of it. In a short, ten minute conversation, where I felt I was holding him back from his tee time at the club, he informed me that it would require heart surgery. I asked if that would be invasive and he laughed and said "as invasive as it gets."

I left the doctor's office that day a little stunned. I had gone just to get established with a cardiologist, not that one I can assure you, and left with heart surgery somewhere in my future. But the hardest pill to swallow was how I felt. Being the senior pastor of a mega-sized church I should have walked out of there talking about how confident I was that the Lord would see me through this trial. And that it would all work out for my good. I didn't. The test of my faith was already revealing how far I was from God's honor roll. I was scared and a little bit angry. I have lost almost 40 pounds in the last two years and kept it off. I quit eating fried foods and sugar laden soft drinks and tea. But on the way home from the hospital I observed one beer bellied, cigarette smoking, french fry munching man on the street after another who had not just been told he would have to have surgery where they take out his heart and play with it. I was angry at God. I was mad at myself for being angry with God. I was disappointed with myself how I was reacting. But mostly, I was shocked with the realization my faith had become all about doing and nothing about being.

Now, 5 days later, I'm still not satisfied, but I'm trying to raise my grade point average. I'm trying to pray more and just talking about praying less. I am earnestly seeking a fresh touch from God. Someone mentioned they thought they saw me cry Sunday near the end of my message. They did. It was from frustration about my own lack of faith coupled with my own desire to recapture "my first love." (Revelation 2:4) I desperately don't want my faith to be just a business. I have never stopped believing what I do is the most honorable calling in the world. But I don't want to do it in the flesh. I would appreciate anyone who will to pray that God breathes a fresh manifestation of His power in my life. I'm not opposed to a healing prayer or two either.    

Comments

[Christina]

Great post. I am stopping over here from Angela's blog. Great example of how trials can affect us all. I'm praying for you.

[LeaAnn West]

You are in my prayers. Thank you for being such an example.

[Anne hendrix]

I will be praying for you.

[Stacey Groover]

I am praying for you.
Stacey Groover
John 16:33
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

[Rhonda Haynes]

David and I will be praying for you as well. Rhonda

[Chris]

got a couple of videos for you Ken....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-KnzSwuJoU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Awed4EHJw

My heart and soul have felt a need to send these to you.

[Chris Ratliff]

Dear Brother,
I leaned heavily upon you and Marilyn right after we first joined Dallas Bay in Fall 2002,when I went through my colon cancer in 2003 and again for my heart surgery in 2005(aortic valve replaced, mitral valve repaired).
Know that you are in a group of guys who have been(me), and are going through (Doug Patterson) what you are facing. We "Band of Brothers" are here for each other. I'm sure that David Abercrombie could easily be fit in this group as well as numerous others that've not stated here as of yet. Know that everything is done for the glory of God. Eventhough we as humans sometimes want to shake our hands to heaven in frustration and question LOUDLY..."Why Me!?" Be careful, I myself received the answer back many times, "I sacrificed my own Son, why not you? Have I asked any less of you?"
"Know that I'm always with you wherever you go, wherever you are in your walk in life, whatever the trial, I Was, I AM, and Shall Always BE."

I'm here for you anytime you want to talk. Online or off.
--Your Brother in Christ,
Chris.

P.s--> Here are passages that have gotten me through 3 bouts of cancer and heart surgery. May it be as meaningful to you.

Joel 2:25(N.I.V.)
"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you.

Isaiah 40:31(N.I.V.)
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Joshua 1:9(N.I.V.)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

And lastly when looking to how brief and transitory life is and how we should regard it...

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." --A. Einstein

[David Abercrombie]

Ken, I just did, and I will be praying for your physical health as well as, the way you put it, "your spiritual report card". You know perhaps as much as anyone the awesome power of prayer.

ps. I have a wonderful cardiologist with a great bedside manner if you would like a second opinion.

David